From Opportunity magazine
Vol. 1, Issue 1, Q3 2006
RESISTING THE CULTURE OF CRITICISM
WHY LEADERS SHOULD STRIVE TO BE ANTIDOTE TO NEGATIVITY
One of the greatest privileges of life is to participate in the personal growth and development of others. As we strive to be effective leaders and set good examples, we impact lives around us, for better or worse. This is a significant responsibility, one more serious than most people realize.
We live in a world today where so much of what is communicated to us from the media and individuals tends dramatically toward the critical and negative. In fact, I think it is accurate to say that we live in a "culture of criticism."
None of us can completely escape from the effects of this. Within this discouraging environment, the human spirit struggles. Our challenge in leadership is to be an antidote to this negativity. With so much of it around us, we cannot afford to add to it if we are going to lift and build others.
Years ago, I learned a powerful lesson. I was beginning to build a big base shop and was enjoying financial success and public recognition for the first time, and, frankly, I was pretty full of myself. I insisted that my teammates be openly and outwardly enthusiastic without exception. I had one leader on our team - I'll call him Bill - who was quite a bit older than I was.
Bill was a quiet and reserved man. He did not show much emotion. This didn't fit my image of how I wanted my teammates to act.
So after several efforts to speak to him about his "challenge," I decided one day to tell him he was no longer welcome on our team. I set a time with him at the office in the early afternoon.
I was all set to do something very selfish and stupid. Thankfully, just an hour before the scheduled time, I had reason to call and speak to my leader and personal mentor in the business. I told him what I planned to do with Bill. He was quiet for a moment and then began to ask me questions.
The conversation went something like this: "Is Bill a good man?" I had to say yes. "Is he a good husband and father?" Yes again. "Isn't he also a leader in his church?" That would be a yes, also. "Is he a good businessman?" Another yes. "Is he a hard worker?" I had to admit, yes, he was a hard worker. "Does he know good people?" That would be yet another yes.
Then my mentor said, "So Bill is a good, honest person, a quality family man, a church leader, a solid businessman and works hard? I see why you want to get rid of him. You don't want a bunch of people like him around, do you?"
At that point, I couldn't wait to get off the phone. I was making a fool out of myself, and I wanted to figure out what I was going to do. I spent the next half-hour with a notepad writing down all of the positive things I could think of about Bill. It was a very long list.
When Bill came in, we sat down, and I began to share with him how valuable his maturity and strength of character were to our team. Twenty minutes into our talk, tears were running down his cheeks. This quiet, reserved 59-year-old man was crying, and I was close to it myself.
When I was done sharing the things I had written and he was about to leave, he said to me, "This is the first time in my life anyone has ever said or done something like this for me." We hugged each other and he left. As I closed the door to my office, I rested my forehead against the door and pounded my head against it a few times. I couldn't believe the mistake I had almost made, and I never wanted to forget the lesson I learned that day.
Our job is to build people up by emphasizing their strengths and virtues. Way too often, I fear we do the opposite. We must learn to speak a different language than what we usually hear all around us. We need to replace the language of criticism with the language of encouragement, praise and recognition. I also call that the language of graciousness.
We need to speak this language, not only within our teams, but more importantly within our own homes and families. Perhaps it's time to get out a notepad and start listing all the good things there are in the people around you and then take the time to tell them.